Try not to figure out all your emotions, grieving is complicated and there is no right or wrong way to grieve, let your feelings come out and cry, laugh, talk as you need to. There are lots of different coping strategies out there, just try to do what feels right for you. It may be that you go for a long soak in the bath, go out for that walk, try mindfulness techniques to relax. It is just what feels right for you.

If you have someone close, whether it be family or friend, keep them close, let them help and talk to them. Keeping open communication can help you to de-stress and can help you to reason out your thoughts and plan and grieve. If you feel there is no one, you can always chat with your family doctor or funeral director.

Share the responsibilities with family, friends or the funeral director. They will all be keen to help. Ask for advice or delegate little jobs which you feel might help get you through and lessen the burden on just you. It may help you not to feel alone. ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ

Remember, it is ok not to be ok. Acknowledge the emotions you are feeling, cry if you want to, take a breath, and don’t feel you need to make any decisions in haste. Don’t bottle up emotions, let yourself grieve when you need to. Take time and space when you feel it is needed.

Try and meet your own care needs and keep safe, whether it be eating and drinking as normally as you can, resting plenty, maybe taking a little walk, some physical exercise and fresh air can help to clear the head.

There are people out there who can help you if everything becomes too overwhelming, please get in touch with someone, do not suffer alone.

After the funeral

 

The planning of the funeral tends to keep you busy. There are arrangements to make, calls to take, friends and family visiting, so what happens after the funeral?

The time immediately after the funeral can turn into one of the most difficult grief stages as the structure of planning disappears.  It may feel like everyone else is now just carrying on with their own lives, but for you,  feelings such as isolation and emptiness may come and the stark reality of how you will cope without the person who has died may be one of the many thoughts going around in your head. At this time, always remember that there is no right or wrong way to grieve, no matter what people may try and tell you. It is about looking after yourself, managing the other things you may need to still do, but at a pace that suits you, and finding your way in this now different world for you.

There are some things to think about below

No matter how hard you may try to carry on as normal, grief is tiring. People may try and guide you to keep busy, but try to accept that it is ok to grieve and allow yourself time to do so.

Sometimes you may reunite with people you've not seen for a while at the funeral. Perhaps meeting up again can give you time to chat together about the person who has died, share stories and memories.

Look after yourself. Eat and drink when you can, sleep if you feel like it, try a little physical exercise, even just a walk can help. All of these help look after your physical wellbeing which in turn looks after your emotional wellbeing.

For some, this may be daunting, but if it feels right, take time on your own maybe to draw, walk, read or It may be writing a diary of how you are feeling that helps. Time away can give you space to reflect which can be important while you process your feelings.

You could try out a new activity, or even go to a class, as reengaging your mind, focusing on something different, can sometimes help to relax your mind and bring a little time of relief

If time alone is scary, reach out to friends and family to spend time with you, even if its just to sit in silence in their company. People will understand and want to help, so don't be afraid to ask for help, company or to be taken out.

If grief begins to feel overwhelming or you feel isolated, there are people who can help – Please do not struggle on alone. You can call your GP who will be able to chat through  how you are feeling/coping, but there are also places available where people will listen and provide support for you such as the places below

The Samaritans are there to listen to people in crisis or distress, provide a listening ear and emotional support.

Samaritans Scotland

CALL 116 123, 24 hrs a day and 365 days a year.

Breathing Space is there for people to open up if they are feeling down, stressed, in crisis, lonely or worried 

Breathing Space

CALL 0800 83 85 87  Mon – Fri 6pm – 2am Fri 6pm – Mon 6am

Cruse provide support to help bereaved people experiencing grief

Cruse

CALL on 0808 802 6161 Mon-Fri 9am-8pm Sat-Sun 10am-2pm

Childline supports young people under the age of 18 or relatives who need support.

Childline

CALL 0800 111111, 24 hrs a day.

If you want to talk to someone following a bereavement, Marie Curie can provide support. Whether your bereavement was expected, happened recently or was some time ago, they can help. They can also support you before your loved one dies.

Marie Curie Bereavement support

CALL 0800 090 2309 or use their live chat option

Compassionate friends are there for bereaved parents who wish to talk to other bereaved parents for support.

The Compassionate Friends

CALL 0345 123 2304, everyday between 10am- 4pm then 7-10pm

Maggies are a drop-in centre for people affected by a cancer diagnosis in some way who need to talk, there are regional centres in Fife, Edinburgh, Dundee, Glasgow, Aberdeen Forth Valley and the Highlands   

Our centres | Maggie’s (maggies.org)

or you can call 0300 123 1801

Helping bereaved people find support  

Visit their website

 

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Caledonia Funeral Aid CIC – a social enterprise managed by Community Renewal Trust (SC566867 registered Orkney Street, G51 2BX) a flagship social enterprise, supported by Social Investment Scotland.